Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Hello everyone,

I am sorry I haven't updated in a few days, but I have been super busy trying to get everything in order before treatment begins. I am trying to think of everything that will need to be done in the next 6 months so that we can take care of it now (in theory giving me peace of mind and less to worry about during treatment, but completely stressing me out in the mean time). Oil changes, dentist visits, AC repair, homeschool filing, household maintenace, as well as stocking up on toiletries, cleaning supplies, food staples... I have several pages worth of lists going.

There are sad things to think about as well. I have 6 years worth of digital photos to organize, upload, print, caption, and store. We have scheduled family portraits before I lose my hair (or breasts, or more). I want to get video of me with each boy in case this doesn't turn out as well as we anticipate. There are also many things I handle that need to be written down in case someone needs to take over (I guarantee nobody else in my house knows how often toothbrushes need to be replaced, or what store sells which brand of underwear, or when they are due for their next checkups, or how certain paperwork needs to be filed, or where we keep the superglue).

And then there is all the research! I am both amazed and overwhelmed at all of the treatment options. I have had to put all research on hold until we have some answers from all of the testing. So much depends on the size and type and quantity of the tumors! I have spoken with several women who have been through this, and it has been very encouraging. In addition to the practical tips (ice chips 15 minutes before chemo, lint roller for the tiny itchy hairs, best websites for scarves), it has given me renewed hope that this is beatable. I have to beat this. Losing is not an option.

I have read about the effects of "chemo brain," but I am starting to think there is something to be said for "planning for cancer brain." Please let this be a lesson to you -- because as horrible as it is to think about, this could happen to anyone at any time. What can you do NOW that will make things easier if you are ever faced with a serious health problem, or a life changing accident, or worse? It does make me sad to think about, but it makes me even more sad to think about my family trying to figure it all out on their own.

My next appointment is with the oncologist on Friday. We will go over all of the testing results and map out a plan for chemo. Then that will give me a whole new set of things to plan...............


  1. Oh Leenie! I wish I was there to help you! You are right though..... losing is not an option... and you will beat this!!


    Thinking of you.

    Lots of love & prayers,
    Jennifer Hildebran

    PS: don't hesitate to call me anytime. I work every third Friday so 3 Fridays a month I'm off and could possibly make a road trip to help you out. Just let me know.

  2. wow, that sounds so overwhelming. its giving me some things to think about though. Its amazing how much we mamas know that is important, but no one else knows. Of course a lot of it is not essential so dont completely drain yourself writing down what brand of underwear to buy ;) I know Jason will step up and do a great job. Love your positive thinking and determination. Beautiful Strength Mama! Praying for you.

  3. Still praying like crazy for you! And I will continue to pray until we can turn those prayers into praises. Thanks for being so transparent and teaching us all to love better no matter how many days we have left.

  4. You WILL beat this sweetie. And we're all holding your hand along the way, {{hugs}} and prayers.

  5. "where we keep the super glue" = priceless. Love your attitude, Colleen. I know that if you manage this like you manage your selection of school books, then you'll have cancer running with its tail between its legs. It won't know what hit it! Positive thoughts and prayers coming your way.

  6. I so wish you didn't have to go through this and again, I so wish we lived closer. You have an amazing strength and a sense of humor to boot.
    You are on everyone's prayer list.
    We love you.

  7. What a beautiful attitude you have... I admire your strength and busy-ness. Praying that in addition to all health concerns for the future, you will have some very special, quiet moments that will be treasure by your close circle of family and friends.